April 15, 1932
Last night when I sent away the 18 page letter to you, I sat down to study, this time Botany. Acquainted myself with the history of every flower, plant, tree, vegetable. Found it very interesting, of course have studied this before in High School, but then I was not interested. About the time I will leave this detestable Reno, I shall acquire quite a knowledge, for instance did you know that the dahlia, a flower that always attracted me for its color and size, first grew in Mexico? and that it was named after or in the honor of Mr. Dahl, a Swedish botanist? and that carnations have been the most popular flowers two thousand years ago? and etc.
I have also learned that coffee grows on trees, where heretofore I thought its seeds grew in the form of corn wheat, and have also learned that these trees with coffee beans grow in Abyssinia. And have learned of so many plants where their leaves are used in medicines, narcotics. I spent about two hours on it, being that the print is very fine, I thought I had strained my eyes too much, but could not go to sleep so early, so I read Tolstoy, and finally finished this long book. What a restless nature this genius possessed. Especially interesting I found the period of his life, where he is disgusted, utterly disappointed with Religion, he sets forth, and invents a new religion, The Tolstoyen Religion, he interprets the Bible from the original Greek, and interprets the way he sees it, takes what appeals to him as the truth, and leaves the rest out, what he calls lies, fairy tales, etc. But even with his new religion, his own, made to please him, renders him no peace. He spends his life in constant struggle with himself, he always seeks and finds, tires of it, and becomes dissatisfied each time. “Tolstoy” is life, with its philosophy, with its strength and weaknesses.
It is getting late and I must hurry. I want to send this letter special delivery so that I shall be sure you will get it Saturday, I do not want to deprive you of a letter.
I received your 10 page letter. I wish you would always write so much. You sweet dear Boy, you write with so much sorrow because I did not receive your letter Monday, and it seems that you doubt, seems like you think I am just merely telling you that I did not receive it, in order to provoke you. Oh Dearest one, how can you think me so horrible? I did not blame you Beloved one, I knew something must have happened with it.
Libinker, Zisinger Pinchos, where do you find the rule that I must have jewelry? Please dear, understand that I have all I want, and do not worry about such nonsense as jewelry.
But you are right, we won’t get this book now. I cannot help but smile, the way you are assuring me that you will get it for me. Do you realize that you seem to treat me as a child. What do mean you will get me everything and ask me to be patient. Where am I? Am I a cripple? We shall both work and get everything we need – in time. Please Beloved one, forget in that phrase of “I shall get you this and that,” for it is we.
You ask me to understand that it is impossible to get this book, and that I should not get mad. Do you really realize how cheap this makes me feel. Am I marrying you, so that you should buy me things, and when you cannot afford it, you should beg me to forgive you and be patient? Pinchos, dearest, please be careful of such expressions in the future.
I have been to the “Bus Depo,” thinking if I could save three, four dollars by going by Bus. They charge $10 for a round trip ticket, leaves here at eight o’clock in the morning and arrives in S.F. 5 o’clock. Then I went to the station and found out that by train it costs $11.75, leaves 7:30 a.m. and arrives 5:10 p.m., Oakland Ferry. What do you think should I do Libinker? It seems a shame to spend so much money for just one day, when we need every dollar so badly. Maybe Dearest I should not come after all? Then I could get my divorce on Monday and leave Monday night. What do you think Beloved one? Please write and tell me what to do.
If you should decide for me to come you will have to send me $25. It seems such a big amount, please think it over. I could spend the Seders at the rabbi’s place.
I shall have to hurry I have only 15 minutes before the Post closes.
Good bye Dearest one, kiss mother for me and thank her for going to the trouble and sew up the package and send it.
My regards to everybody. I shall write to Charlle (sp) tomorrow.
Good bye Dearest.
Do not worry about me I am feeling fine.
Will write to my mother tomorrow, tell her not to worry.